Long Time No Read
If you have been following along, you may have noticed I haven’t posted in a while. Well, there is a reason for that.
Quick background information if you’re new here, I had a relatively invasive surgery to my left foot. You can read the full story on my previous post. I was initially lead to believe I would be healed 3-6 months post operation and ready to rock for the 2020/2021 ski season. However, this was not the case.
Although the bone and screws were technically healed, I was experiencing a significant amount of pain and was unable to do most things, even walking. This was a cause for concern, so I went to my provider for another x-ray to determine why I wasn’t where I should be. They narrowed down the possible answers to being a fracture caused by removing bone or an infection. Luckily, it wasn’t either of those things, however, I still didn’t have an answer for why I wasn’t better. An unproven but likely theory is I am allergic to the tools used during surgery because they contained nickel, a common metal allergy, so the nickel irritated the cut nerves. I was repeatedly told that I am young, I will heal fast, and bounce back to the athlete I was before I had surgery. Being told this set me up for failure.
I was accused several times of not being patient enough and doing too much too fast, therefore, I am the one responsible for my pain. I repeatedly told them I can’t even walk, I can’t exercise, so how could I be overexerting myself? I didn’t feel heard. Of course hindsight is 20/20, but I truly believe if I had been told healing would take 12 months instead of 3 months, then I would have been more mentally and physically prepared to take a year off.
That being said, it was a very hard year. The physical aspect, obviously, being that I couldn’t train or even ski for fun. I did not keep a training log because it was making me feel worse having nothing on it. I lived with 3 other skiers and I envied them. I started staying in bed longer in the mornings to avoid them while they got ready for training because it made me very sad to not be a part of it. That turned to staying in bed all day. On days I didn’t have work or chores, I felt like I had no purpose and no motivation to do anything. When it came to online school, I wasn’t engaged and I did the bare minimum.
Skiing is a big influence in my life, so when it was no longer a part of my day-to-day schedule, I felt lost. With no in-person classes and no team to train with, I also felt socially excluded and lonely. The reason I’m sharing these personal details is to highlight just how difficult an injury can be. However, this experience taught me a lot. I learned how to be more patient and focused. I also found other sources of fulfillment like reading, gluten-free baking, writing poetry, and binging the entire series of Avatar: The Last Airbender. It is on Netflix and I highly recommend if you want to feel like a kid again. Overall, I am thankful for this experience and I am a better person because of it, though I hope I never have to do it again!
Although I told myself I was taking the year off racing, I did jump in one. I raced the Tour of Anchorage 25km classic in March. For my western friends, this is Alaska’s equivalent to the West Yellowstone Rendezvous. I went in with low expectations of doing well and just wanted to have fun. I ended up placing 7th overall and the 1st female across the line. The course was almost all flat so my many hours on the Skierg double pole machine worked in my favor. Without a doubt, my boots and skis from SkinnySkis also helped me to this victory! Additionally, I was able to go on one backcountry skiing adventure before the snow melted. My friend, their dog, and I went up Peak 3 in the Chugach Front Range. It was blowing wind, socked in, and getting dark fast, but I was so happy to be there! It was a rude awakening how weak my muscles had gotten, but a soak in the hot tub fixed me right up.
By May 1st, I was starting to feel a bit more normal and ready to start a new season of training. Although it has been up and down with good weeks and bad weeks, the overall trend is that I am healing. From not being able to jog across the street to jogging for an hour, I have come a long way. My summer was full of biking, strength, physical therapy, and rollerskiing. Majority of my training was biking because it is lower impact on my foot. The highlight of my summer was getting a new mountain bike! A surprise outcome from the surgery is I developed fear. I used to be able to rollerski any downhill and bike technical trails no problem, but with a weaker foot I lost all confidence in myself. I am surprised I didn’t have any big crashes because of this (except the one pictured where I ended up covered in dirt!)
Another good thing that happened this past year was turning 21. It is always exciting reaching a new milestone in life. And speaking of milestones, my sister got married! After being a family of all girls, we now have a brother-in-law. Congratulations to the happy couple :) As a 21 year old now, I am in my last year as a junior for biathlon. I am looking forward to racing Junior World Trials at Solider Hollow, Utah this winter (more on this to come!) For now, snow is starting to fly in Alaska and there is great skiing at Hatcher Pass. The best part about living in Alaska is skiing on snow before Halloween. And there is school! I am in my senior year at APU and itching to get my degrees done. I understand the term senioritis now.
I am thankful for many people who have helped me on this journey. Although I wasn’t their biggest fan in the beginning, I am thankful for my practitioner for diagnosing and correcting my foot. I am especially thankful for my physical therapist for helping me rebuild physically and emotionally as he was a great person to talk to during our appointments. I am thankful for the coaches and mentors who recognized how hard I am trying to get back to business. I am also thankful for my professors who sympathized with my situation on top of the difficulty of school being forced online by Covid-19. I am thankful for my family and friends for their continual support and kindness. Lastly, I am thankful for you taking time out of your day to read my blog :)
